I asked for this.
A life that wasn’t Groundhog Day, every day, in perpetuity.
A life where at any moment I know, regardless of circumstance, I’m not holding back.
That I’m really out there living. Not hibernating. Not going through the motions. Not doing the same old, same old.
For real this time. And I’m getting there.
But I have to admit it is f-ing hard.
The FUD is real…
The Trifecta:
Fear + Uncertainty + Doubt
Not exactly high vibe stuff to contribute to the collective.
But the truth is that over the past few years, life has dealt me a series of heartbreaks much more painful than my actual divorce ever was.
And this last one was a doozy. Just when I finally felt safe enough to go all in.
All my love. All my chips. No regrets.
And… No dice.
The first couple months, I distracted myself.
I’d been through this before. Maybe I’m just “The One that Got Away.”
Moving on… Easy peasy.
Not that fast.
Suddenly I had to work through a new layer of shame I hadn’t processed before.
Shame from being single.
**And I don’t look at single folks and think they should be ashamed.** Not at all.
In fact, for years, in an unhappy marriage, I wanted to join them!
I essentially blew up the entirety of my past life and identity for that level of liberation.
And still, I felt blindsided.
So I’ve decided to pivot through the pain and the shame. Not past it.
And actually share this is where I’m at.
No sidestepping it. No avoiding it. Focusing on small, conscious, healthy moves right in the middle of the worst of it.
Feeling it in all its cringy glory. In all the discomfort. In all the dissonance. Reveling in it, so it can pass through.
Becoming shame free regardless of relationship status.
Feeling so grateful I get to cultivate a life filled with friends, fitness, hobbies, travel, business AND pleasure…
Trusting that a powerhouse passionate partner will emerge when our timelines converge.
Regardless 💕
